The United Nations Convention on the Definition of a Bloody Robot (2026) Article 1: A robot is an artificial physical agent that autonomously perceives its environment and performs goal-directed locomotion or manipulation, adapting its actions in response to environmental feedback. Article 2: A thermostat is not a robot. Article 3: Neither is your fucking sprinkler. Article 4: Any objections shall be referred to the Committee on Autonomous Sprinkler Rights. Adopted by acclamation. 🔨 And somewhere, an industrial automation engineer is preparing a strongly worded letter.